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Thursday, April 9, 2009

The One That Got Away...(THANK GOD)

Ok...So, I'm flipping through the channels and TV One's "Black Men Revealed" was on. The topic was unhealthy relationships ( Crazy in Love) , and simultaneously I recalled one of my relationships.

I met this dude...well, actually he pursued me and he was cute, cool, and a singer; and God knows I love a singer. So, we exchanged numbers and he called me that night. It was all good; he told me about his performance career and possible plans that would propel him to stardom on an national level.

First, I noticed that he always talked about how he was blessed financially; and me being the person that I am, it didn't really faze me. I am not wrapped up into what a person has and am in no way trying to take advantage of that. But he was relentless, he would say thing like he lived in a gated community. I'm like, "ok?" Then, it even got to the point where he said, "You should be lucky you got me." What kind of shit is that?

I have never in all my life met a person so arrogant. I mean damn, I'm cocky but he is damn over-the-top. I should have let him go then...

Next, the telephone calls came from right and left. A brother was like "ok, did I not just talk to you?" He would leave crazy messages on my phone and quite frankly I was sick of it. I knew that something was wrong because we argued everyday. Everyday.
I am not even the type just argue. So, I did some research on the signs of abuse in relationships and found this...

bulletIs jealous or possessive toward you.
(Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)
bulletTries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.
bulletTries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.
bulletIs violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.
bulletPressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.
bulletAbuses drugs or alcohol.
bulletClaims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.)
bulletBlames you when he or she mistreats you.
bulletHas a history of bad relationships.
bulletYour family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.
bulletYou frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.
bulletMakes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.
bulletYour partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.
bulletYour partner "rages" when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control.
bulletBoth parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.
bulletYou leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones.
bulletYou have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do.

Then I noticed I got to get out of this relationship. No one ever talked about abuse in the gay community before and I wondered why. When I decide to leave him he threw a fit...OMG, it was awful. I woke up one morning to 127 missed calls. I thought, "this dude is crazier than bat shit." I had I don't know how many was crazy. One said, "Baby I love you, I can't believe you are doing this to me." The next one said, " Pick up this G**Damn phone." The next one, " I'm hurt, you hurt me...I'm always the one getting hurt."

Every call was different. There was no stability. Crazy... Right!

If you are in an abusive relationship "GET OUT!!!!!!" Find some people in your corner and get out and don't look back. He is going to try his best to manipulate you and tell you to come back with a sob story, but do not do it... He will only go back to the same habits. It's all he knows!

I had to learn the hard way.

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