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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

To B Black, Gay, and....FAT

I'd often wondered what it felt like to be incarcerated. Now, I no longer have to guess. Through denial and meticulously thought out excuse, I have come to realize that I am fat. Now, before you have your little tee he he, let's get one thing straight; I'm thick, but in the LGBT communtiy, oftentimes it translates into full blown obesity. {My name Clareeice Precious Jones} I didn't know I was a thick'um until it was too late, and by then it was a shocking reality...You read right, I didn't know.

Let go to Freshman year 2008...

I was a bright-eyed student on the fast track to certain success with the optimism of superman. I was attractive, smart, and in love. What could go wrong??? While going to school I continued to work my full-time job of 48 hours a week. Everything was everything...So I thought. Everything ran smoothly for a while, and then things start to erupt like the levees in New Orleans.

Food was my culprit. Fast food. I ate it to keep myself awake. I would often find myself dozing off behind the wheel of my car. I couldn't have that, so I stuffed my face to give me a quick boost of energy. The things you wish you knew...I wish I had known how damaging fast food could be to the body.

On top of the bad choice of food, I was stressed to my wit's end. I got only three to two hours of sleep before having to be at work. Something had to give, and it did. I gain the dreaded Freshman 10 (pounds), and then some. I lost my neglected college basketball player boyfriend. ( Damn, I still miss him) And to make matters worse, the company I worked for downsized and I lost my job. Eventually I had to drop out of school.

It was then that I had the time to assess the damage of my frayed life. Everything was previously so concurrent and now I was at a standstill. All I could hear was the still of a quiet storm. The extra added weight was foreboding something bigger.

I didn't find out just what it was until I checked out adam4adam.com; a gay online dating community. Almost every profile read: "NO FATS, NO FEMS". What the fuck, I thought. The entire world is hating on us and calling us sissies and fags and oversexed and confused and promiscuous; and now we find a way to hate amongst ourselves. How does that look to the rest of the world? No damn wonder no one wants gay marriage...We have to love ourselves and each other for that to happen. Whats gonna happen when fifteen years down the road, your super tight, super hot is just a super NOT? Are we gonna be shallow still and tell them to get plastic surgery or leave. Love is love but I guess some people can't see that for a damn erection, or maybe the lack thereof.

Maybe we could learn a thing or two from straight people.

(true)Love is never judgmental...


-And no I was not trying to find love on a4a

smooches