New Dude Pt.1

It's ten o'clock and I am just getting into work. Hmm..."How can I make this day go faster?", I thought. I turned to my co-worker to initiate a random conversation. But as I turned my head I see a light-skinned brother who was virile and stunning at the same time. He embodied everything that I wanted in a man.
I watched him from the entrance and was surprised when he was placed to work beside me. "Tongue, bitch, be still" I thought to myself. How was I suppose to work now. He was modest (major turn on) and had the cutest smile with the biggest lips ( in a sexy way).
He delved into the assignment giving me a genuine, kind smile every once in a while but never said a word.
So I asked him, "You're from out of town aren't you?"
He replied, "Yes, how do you know?"
"I can tell" I responded.

Every response was precise and he did not seem to be in a talking mood. " So much for conversational pieces," I wandered. I looked to my co-worker, whose name is M, and proceeded to inform him of the new dude.
"You like him don't you" said M.
" Ooh, I can't stand you...You know too much!" I said.
"Boy, you know I know you!" He said.

M and I go way back and were hired at this job at the same time. He knows that I am "gay" ( I am going to say that, but it is a word that somebody else made up) and I know that he is DL. He knows when I am feeling someone and vice versa. Being around M made the time fly by but gazing into the new dudes eyes stopped time for a split second, which was enough time for me to catch my breath.

Lord, help me make it through the night...

Laugh Out Loud Monday...Err, Uhh Tuesday

I don't know if you have seen this but either way it is a classic and its funny

Laugh Out Loud Monday

I thought this was so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!

Ugh...Times Like These

Have you heard of the cliche "The career is on fire but the bed is ice cold"? (sumthing like that)

I always felt like I would have a banging career and my love life would be lackluster as a consequence. I am very rigid in my thinking when it comes to my career.

• I know what I want
• I go after what I want
• I am very determined in achieving my goals
• I refuse to let anybody stand in my way

• Put God First (of course) {Total OxyMoron}
  

Every relationship that I have had in the past year or so has ended in the same manner. I would be so occupied that my mate at the time drifts slowly into the mind frame of rethinking the whole relationship.

I know. I know. I have to do better! But I refuse to sit on my dreams and see them whither away and I also expect my partner to be proactive. I want to find encouragement in my partner. I want to know that we are in this together. Its 2009, the time is now! Also, just because we have a relationship does not mean we are having sex...(Puhlease, a finger and a hand will do just fine...Lol, did I just say that?)

Naw, but real talk...
Do I set my standards to high? Am I looking for a guy that does not exist?

Gay Pride...Na, Just Obsession

One thing that I fail to get over is the world's obsession with homosexuality. I mean what is it? If someone does not like something I am pretty sure they would not waste their time talking about it. So...what is it?

People are so enthralled when they see headlines about someone being gay. Case in point, American Idol contestant Adam Lambert is openly gay and that is the way people will perceive him. They forget the person, in a sense, and rely on his sexuality to be a focal point. Lambert is gay but that is not the only thing that he is...I am pretty sure that Simon Cowell have a couple of male companion himself.

South Park's "Gay Fish" which implies rapper Kanye West is a closet homosexual sparked controversy all over the media. Again...Its like a fascination. The Ever Increasing Witch Hunt of Who's Gay and Who's Straight. I am missing the whole point here...Gays are criticized yet marveled after. What does it matter who someone falls in love with?

I guess that is the scheme of things.

This is exactly why gay men are living double lives because they cannot cope with how the world would receive their sexuality. They resort to being a relationship with a woman in public but take a dick in the ass in private. Something has to be done...

I digress.

The One That Got Away...(THANK GOD)

Ok...So, I'm flipping through the channels and TV One's "Black Men Revealed" was on. The topic was unhealthy relationships ( Crazy in Love) , and simultaneously I recalled one of my relationships.

I met this dude...well, actually he pursued me and he was cute, cool, and a singer; and God knows I love a singer. So, we exchanged numbers and he called me that night. It was all good; he told me about his performance career and possible plans that would propel him to stardom on an national level.

First, I noticed that he always talked about how he was blessed financially; and me being the person that I am, it didn't really faze me. I am not wrapped up into what a person has and am in no way trying to take advantage of that. But he was relentless, he would say thing like he lived in a gated community. I'm like, "ok?" Then, it even got to the point where he said, "You should be lucky you got me." What kind of shit is that?

I have never in all my life met a person so arrogant. I mean damn, I'm cocky but he is damn over-the-top. I should have let him go then...

Next, the telephone calls came from right and left. A brother was like "ok, did I not just talk to you?" He would leave crazy messages on my phone and quite frankly I was sick of it. I knew that something was wrong because we argued everyday. Everyday.
I am not even the type just argue. So, I did some research on the signs of abuse in relationships and found this...

Is jealous or possessive toward you. (Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)

Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.

Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.

Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.

Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.

Abuses drugs or alcohol.

Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.)

Blames you when he or she mistreats you.

Has a history of bad relationships.

Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.

You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.

Makes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.

Your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.

Your partner "rages" when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control.

	Both parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.
	You leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones.
	You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do.

Then I noticed I got to get out of this relationship. No one ever talked about abuse in the gay community before and I wondered why. When I decide to leave him he threw a fit...OMG, it was awful. I woke up one morning to 127 missed calls. I thought, "this dude is crazier than bat shit." I had I don't know how many voicemails...it was crazy. One said, "Baby I love you, I can't believe you are doing this to me." The next one said, " Pick up this G**Damn phone." The next one, " I'm hurt, you hurt me...I'm always the one getting hurt."

Every call was different. There was no stability. Crazy... Right!

If you are in an abusive relationship "GET OUT!!!!!!" Find some people in your corner and get out and don't look back. He is going to try his best to manipulate you and tell you to come back with a sob story, but do not do it... He will only go back to the same habits. It's all he knows!

I had to learn the hard way.

AAAHHH!!!!!!!! I've Been Tagged!

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Naw Dude...I'm Straight

You ever been friends with a dude for awhile and then you suddenly have feelings for him?...Well, I kind of have that problem.

I have been knowing this dude for about four years now and have grown quite close to him. I honestly do not know when the attraction started but it most certainly did; and now I can't get him off of my mind. We could be going somewhere together and all of the sudden a thought of us being together may pop into my head. I would have to think about something else or start a random conversation to subdue the thought. Recently, it has gotten worse...way worse. And that sucks because he is straight.

So, that is a major problem...I do not know why I am attracted to straight acting dudes. Well, in this case he actually is...Bummer. I know. What is a dude to do???

I guess I will have to hide my feelings and move it along.