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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Gay Love Lust

It feels amazing to be in a relationship where both parties are pleased in a consensual and mutual way. It could be you and your boo against the world like Bonnie and Clyde; taking the world by storm, having the world on a string. But...there is always a bigger picture. What is the basis of your relationship?

Many times when it comes to the LGBT community we base our standards for a datable person solely on looks. We linger in the shallow waters of the dating pool for the hot bods, but do not notice the cutie in the deep end that could keep us from going under. We wrap our minds around superficial qualities that are nice but could not keep you warm at night. We wanna know: does he have a six pack, is his dick over the average size, can he deepthroat, is his ass fat, is his hole tight, will he let me hit tonight.

All the aforementioned questions and requirements will capture your attention only for a little while and then you will be on to the next big thing. What kind of stability is that? There is no way in hell that that is healthy, and it also says something about you as a person; namely that you are not satisfied with something internally or externally. We do the darnedest things when we try to hide our pain, hurt, guilt, fear, anxiety, sorrow, insecurities, lies, truths, feelings, and callouses.

Consequently, we miss out on so much when we focus on only one aspect. We are left with a lop-sided equation which equals to being lonely and constantly searching for love. We may get our gratification from the physical and sexual need but damn is that it. We are far too complex to feed that one greedy side which is lust, and what a destructive emotion that could be. When lust fills our eyes we submit it falsely to our hearts as love. I'm doing this because I love him, is what we will say but it is translated to this for people with bullshit-proof hearing; The only reason I'm with him is because he's sexy as hell and I want to be greedy. Hell, can I be greedy? Can I get what I want and have my way?

Luckily, the picture becomes more complete and stable when a plethora of time is not spent wasted on looking at the outward appearance. Don't get me wrong. You have to find what you like and what you are attracted to, but make sure they are more than just a pretty face and some abs with a big dick. I guarantee you that nine times out of ten the road to finding this person is going to be a hard and frustrating one; but once you do, you won't have to look again for a long time. That dream person is going to let you know in the beginning what they are all about, and what they will and will not do. They will not lie to you to get you to bed and hell they might even make you wait. This is called Love.

Love is totally different from lust. Although, they both requires a bit of passion their pretty much alien. I like to think that Love is pure and unfailing, and lust is corrupted and destructive; light and dark. Love will add to your life and lust will take away from it; hell it might even take it altogether. Love is that thing that can keep you sane and in your right mind, but lust will make you crazy out of you head and foam at the mouth in search of the real thing; LOVE!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Church Sissy

The church runs amuck with homosexuality. Its a wonder how many are active partakers in the lifestyle. They are in the pulpit, the choir, usher board and even the general pew population. Homosexuality, the topic, is a strong subject in the church; and whether it is embraced or kept at arms length, it is an obligatory to be dealt with.

On occasion, when folks in the church deal with homosexuality, they tend to hide it from others and sometimes deny it to themselves altogether. This behavior is detrimental to the individual psychologically and physically. It creates an issue with identity, and leaves them susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases.

Moreover, the lifestyle is shunned by the church and rarely talked about; even then all they hear is, "it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong", which poses the question, if it's so wrong then why won't anyone help make it right? Think about it, people come before the church when they have other necessities, i.e., financial assistance or other interpersonal problems. But when it comes to homosexuality, the church goes all the way back to slavery by keeping a hushed mouth. If you are, then don't let anyone know and you can slide.

When this activity occurs, it creates room for the dreaded "down low" brother to be created. The down low brother is a male that is bisexual, but identifies himself as straight. He has no problem with sleeping with the same sex, because he is not the protocol, or typical, gay dude. He has proved himself to his counterparts that he's a man. Maybe he has a wife, kids and a great paying job, so when he feels he needs an award he resorts to having sex with other men-most of the times unprotected.

The wife might suspects infidelity, but oftentimes does not think that the other person is a male. She is now at risk for HIV, and other std's by simply obeying the Bible and standing by her man. So when she asks her husband if he's having an affair or not, 9 times out of 10 he will deny, deny, deny-and deny some more; which is a man's number one rule no matter what compromising position he's in.

Evidently, if the church (and the world) were more open to the lifestyle and all it entails, then maybe the said husband would not feel the need to lie when the church taught him to lie-which caused him to lie down the aisle and lie to himself, his family and to God. Maybe if the church said that homosexuality is like hell and it does exist and that it is a problem that needed to be addressed, then maybe people would stop being in denial and identify with having homosexual urges.

More important, the sanctity of marriage will be predicated on honesty instead of a lie. But the church nowadays is based on image. They are worried about the outer appearance when its the inner man that God sees. They (the church) feel that they have to be perfect and hold it together and keep a hushed mouth when it comes to topics that suggest otherwise. There is no God in that...Where is the compassion of God? Who would let a part of the family suffer simply because its not a problem that affects you...When one side of the family suffers it impacts the whole clan. You can ignore and renounce but pretty soon, its going to have to be dealt with.

Peace and Blessing

God is Love,


Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Proposal

Loneliness can be a complete and utter bitch...Trust me, I know. I have been single for over a year now. That's single and born again celibate since I'm not getting any either.

Desperate times calls for desperate measures, which is exactly why I found myself recently attempting to lower my standard...Maybe I have set them too high, but then again, it is my life and love life at that. I can afford to be picky, right?

But that knee-jerk, or maybe pre-meditated, action set into motion a topic that I would like to discuss.

Would you rather be lonely or with a person that you know does not love you?

As stated earlier, being lonely is hard. You look and see your friends enjoying the company of their someone special, and you only have a chilly bed and frumpy pillow that will never suffice. You begin to feel like Rachelle Ferrell when she states in "Nothing in the Middle", strangers on my telephone and crickets in my bed. You want, need and yearn that somebody to call your own; someone to occupy space in this world with you when the vast empty darkness of your bedroom envelopes around you.

Conversely, having someone to share your life with will help lighten your load. You can call them at two o'clock in the morning and know that they will pick up on the third ring, and even though they will have to be at work at eight, you know that for them to hear your voice and you theirs is a blessing. Don't get me wrong, couples have their ups and downs...hell even 'round and 'round at times. Being out of your mind is better when there is two, right?

Wrong...when you are in a relationship with someone that does not reciprocate the same amount of love as you, what would be the point of you wasting your time? Sometimes being in a relationship is lonelier than being alone (Let that ass marinate on that). If they're not the one for you, then what are you to them but their advantageous conquest or whatever means they are seeking to finagle from you.

Most of the time in those situations, the person is trying to take what they can before they hit the road. But when you are alone, you can truly see you for you. You begin to recognize what you like and dislike. By doing this, you add to yourself by improving what you feel is necessary. Hey, you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, and that might be cliche' but my dear it is an age old fact. That ole' cold bed and limp pillow don't seem so bad after all.

Peace and Blessings

God is Love

Up-and-Coming Author Dapharoah69

I am completely elated and enthralled. While perusing youtube for videos about the late great E. Lynn Harris, I came across this refreshing new author by the name of Dapharoah69, whose real name is Larry Wilson, Jr; but he is the self-proclaimed "King of Erotica".

He has a slew of books on Barnes and Nobles and Amazon. His latest is sure to be a captivating tale which is entitled, "Call Her Queen Hatshepsut"; which I might add that I cannot wait to read.

Check out his youtube page here.

And also a interview from

The Disappearance of Black Love

I could talk about Black Love ad nauseam. Just the thought fills me with a warm feeling. I love to see two consenting adults together and in it to win it; and you bets believe against all odds.

See, I had always heard while growing up that famous Blacks always married outside of the race, being that their mentality becomes different from their peers. Many engagements that they would attend had far too few Blacks and created a void only to be filled by White, Hispanic, Indian or what have you.

Now, by no means am I a racist, but I can identify with Jill Scott when she told Essence magazine in the April 2010 edition, "I felt my spirit...wince", while referring to Black men dating outside of the race. There is a sudden pinch to your soul when you see a good Black man proclaim his love for a person of another race.

Scott goes on to say, "Black women and Black men struggled together". Black people as a race have triumphantly overcome slavery, racism and prejudices. So, when a Black woman, or man, sees a Black man with another race, it equates to a slap in the face; a mighty blow from turning on your own kind when others tried to rape, torture and destroy us.

Nevertheless, if fame was not enough of a reason to date outside of the race, hate is...Black women always have attitudes. Black men don't wanna raise their kids. You're too dark. You're hair is too coarse. These are simple concepts that get leaked down to the next generation by way of the present. We do not understand that we are destroying our race with these derogatory comments. What are the children suppose to think?

They do what we tell them. They have children by Whites just so their child can have more European features. They permanently relax their hair because we have taught them that it is not okay to wear it natural. Pretty soon, they forget who they are. They forget that their ancestors come from Africa. They forget that the skin that they are in is beautiful and bronze and golden just like the gods and kings and queens of Kemet, or Ancient Egypt. They forget that we were taken from our land and brought here as slaves.

It is up to us to rectify our own undoing...

Alas, if love is true and love is sufficient, then it can be found with any race or any gender. But love should never be forced. Love should never be a product of your posh environment because love, true love, is more grandiose than any of us on this planet. God is Love, and if He is love then we simply must wait until He manifests it into our lives.

Peace and Blessings

God is Love

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Ricky Ricardo Illusion

One of my all time favorite shows happens to be I Love Lucy. Aside from the frivolous attempts of the main character, one aspect always caught my attention. No matter what Lucy got into, her man was always close by to offer love, support, and oftentimes knowledge.

That man was of course, Ricky Ricardo; a Cuban nightclub singer with a sunny disposition. He was optimistic and usually wore his feelings right on his suit coat. He showed his love and compassion to Lucy whether she was right or wrong; which she was 9 time out of 10 the latter.

The onscreen romance was blissful and heaven sent. Ricky and Lucy were the ideal couple. They completed each other, and he was her ying and she his yang; a perfect and equal union.

So I sat and wondered..."Damn, does this really happen? Is there someone out there to complete little ole me?" Clearly the drama and theatrics were hyperboles, but the main structure of the show had to have been derived from a real life situation. Evidently hundreds of thousands of us were doing something right.

But let me leave tinseltown for a minute...

Ricky Ricardo was Desi Arnaz and Desi, as we all know, was married to Lucy or, Lucille Ball. Their real life marriage was not all quirky mishaps and make-ups, but had ended in divorce due to Desi's drug and womanizing problems.

The question I want to know is; do we conceptualize what we want love to be based on any form of the media?

Are you in search of a Ricky Ricardo or are you prepared to handle a Desi Arnaz?

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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

To B Black, Gay, and....FAT

I'd often wondered what it felt like to be incarcerated. Now, I no longer have to guess. Through denial and meticulously thought out excuse, I have come to realize that I am fat. Now, before you have your little tee he he, let's get one thing straight; I'm thick, but in the LGBT communtiy, oftentimes it translates into full blown obesity. {My name Clareeice Precious Jones} I didn't know I was a thick'um until it was too late, and by then it was a shocking reality...You read right, I didn't know.

Let go to Freshman year 2008...

I was a bright-eyed student on the fast track to certain success with the optimism of superman. I was attractive, smart, and in love. What could go wrong??? While going to school I continued to work my full-time job of 48 hours a week. Everything was everything...So I thought. Everything ran smoothly for a while, and then things start to erupt like the levees in New Orleans.

Food was my culprit. Fast food. I ate it to keep myself awake. I would often find myself dozing off behind the wheel of my car. I couldn't have that, so I stuffed my face to give me a quick boost of energy. The things you wish you knew...I wish I had known how damaging fast food could be to the body.

On top of the bad choice of food, I was stressed to my wit's end. I got only three to two hours of sleep before having to be at work. Something had to give, and it did. I gain the dreaded Freshman 10 (pounds), and then some. I lost my neglected college basketball player boyfriend. ( Damn, I still miss him) And to make matters worse, the company I worked for downsized and I lost my job. Eventually I had to drop out of school.

It was then that I had the time to assess the damage of my frayed life. Everything was previously so concurrent and now I was at a standstill. All I could hear was the still of a quiet storm. The extra added weight was foreboding something bigger.

I didn't find out just what it was until I checked out; a gay online dating community. Almost every profile read: "NO FATS, NO FEMS". What the fuck, I thought. The entire world is hating on us and calling us sissies and fags and oversexed and confused and promiscuous; and now we find a way to hate amongst ourselves. How does that look to the rest of the world? No damn wonder no one wants gay marriage...We have to love ourselves and each other for that to happen. Whats gonna happen when fifteen years down the road, your super tight, super hot is just a super NOT? Are we gonna be shallow still and tell them to get plastic surgery or leave. Love is love but I guess some people can't see that for a damn erection, or maybe the lack thereof.

Maybe we could learn a thing or two from straight people.

(true)Love is never judgmental...

-And no I was not trying to find love on a4a